Physical abuse occurs in families at all socio-economic levels. From the poorest couple living together in a blue collar slum to the wealthiest family in the mansion on Nob Hill, physical fighting takes its toll on too many couples today.

Approximately one in four women claim they have been physically abused at some point in their lives, while a growing number of men report similar consequences. Stress, depression, poor self-esteem or an inflated ego are just some of the reasons why people batter each other at all ages and stages of life.

If you're not sure if you are a victim of physical abuse, here are some things to consider:

1. Physical abuse typically follows a four-part cycle. In the initial stage, tensions between two people, often married or cohabiting, until one strikes, kicks, pushes, slaps, or otherwise inflicts intentional harm on the other. The second stage is the actual conflict during which the abuse occurs. The third stage is the cooling down period where the couple may separate or not speak to each other for a time. The fourth stage is the honeymoon phase, when the aggressor apologizes and promises not to hit again. Then the cycle starts over.

2. You may feel you deserve the abuse. Abusers often tell their victims, "You made me do this. If you just listened to me, none of this would happen." Passing the blame means that victims feel like it is their fault when they get hurt. In fact, knowing subconsciously that the abuse will occur again, many victims intentionally, though unconsciously, spur the aggressor to a renewed attack just to get it over with. The pain, they feel, is better than the strain and worry of waiting for the eventual attack and sometimes never knowing which incidental word or deed will bring it on.

3. You may feel like you have no refuge. Victims frequently claim they feel trapped, confined, or cut off from contact with others. That is exactly what abusers do, isolate the victim, to keep from being discovered. It is important for you to form linkages with people who may be able to help you, from the neighbor next door to the pastor at church. Discreetly inquire about battered persons' shelters or free or low-cost counseling so when the next bout occurs, you are ready to seek professional assistance.

4. You have many types of old or current injuries, or you may have none that show. Fading bruises, healing scars, or reset bones tell the victim's story. Or your abuse may take the form of occasional slaps, pushes, or shovings that leave no physical scars, but do leave emotional wreckage in their wake. If someone is threatening or intimidating you with physical force, that is a form of abuse. If you are afraid of how your partner or family member will react to something that you have said or done, that suggests the potential for abuse.

5. Physical abuse tends to escalate. Over time, even the most careless push can, and very often does, lead to more intense displays of violence. A shove today may lead to a bloody nose tomorrow, and a concussion the next time. Very seldom does a show of physical aggression stop suddenly or permanently. If someone is abusing you, chances are the abuse will continue or increase.

There are things you can do to get help:

1. Talk with a pastor, counselor, or trusted friend about your situation. See what suggestions they make to help you deal with it.

2. Consider separating from the abuser. This may mean living elsewhere for a while, or even seeking a legal separation. You probably will need help with this, so try to confide in someone who can offer guidance.

3. Set boundaries if it is safe to do so. The next time your abuser makes a rude comment or starts to attack you, say "Stop!" in a loud voice. Say that you will leave the room, the house, the property, whatever, if the person does not stop. Then do so. If the aggression continues, calmly tell the person that a permanent separation may become necessary if the problem continues. Offer to go to counseling with the abuser, if this is feasible.

4. Protect yourself. Set aside money for an emergency. Enroll the kids in school or community programs that will get them out of the house and away from the situation until you can make necessary arrangements.

Physical abuse cannot be taken lightly. Too many people have died because they did not recognize the dangers of remaining with someone who repeatedly hurt them. Don't become the next fatality. Take steps now to end the cycle of abuse.